My Vulnerable Desires

Trigger Warning: Contents of this story mentions sex and sensuality.

In Febuary of 2019, I was attending a workshop in the Bay Area on how to relate to the modern woman with relationship coach and therapist, Elizabeth Cruz. The men in the room were prompted to be vulnerable and clear about our intentions. With the notion that intentions are related to the exact desire, we were asked to take a few moments to journal about what it means to us in the moment and to get down to the root desires. The following is an edited version of what I wrote.

I have a desire to share my life with an amazing and beautiful woman again. One who is in touch with her sexuality and power; who is mature, intelligent, and generous. I desire to be adored and loved; to be acknowledged for my gifts and accepted for my faults. I desire for my heart to be tickled; to laugh while loving and connnecting with her.

I have a desire to feel my sex; to peak in my sex; to flood a woman with my warmth; to shine like the bright sun that I am; to share my kingdom in what I see and promise to accomplish. I desire passion, turn-on, excitement for her. I want to be in the moment with her and witness the seconds passing. I desire to gaze and smile upon her and to be gazed at by her and see her smile back at me with a knowingness. I want to linger my hands across her smooth skin and every curve. I want to hold her orgasm, her wetness in my mouth, her sweetness on my tongue, and her hot sighs in my ear, and her breath on my neck. I want to feel the flutter in my chest and my temperature rise when I see her body naked and lounging, ready to be taken and devoured.

I desire a woman to share her dreams and as I listen, feel with widened eyes the fast rush of her speech when listening to what she’s excited about and what she will do next. I desire her positivity and ability to let go and bravely charge forward. I want to share my dreams and feel her excitement and full-throttle support. I want a woman to want me; to get my wants and all I dream of and desire — including her essence, power, and sex.

I want her want me and her to show that desire without hesitation or fear. I want her to recognize my uniqueness and know that it’s a match for her uniqueness. I want her to be courageous in her choice for me, and talk to me about any reservations. I desire her honesty and her kindness. I desire her strength and boldness to belay her victimness and take the lead, not necessarily of me, but of her own path. It’s only then that I can openly and willingly take in her messiness and her conflicting mind, and confusion at times.